My Fertility Journey

“You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact it may be necessary to encounter the defeats so you no who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it. ” - Maya Angelou

Introduction:

Hi I am Sarah and this is my story. It might be similar to yours, if it is I am sorry you find yourself here, it can be a lonely rollercoaster of a journey and sadly there are many who have been or are going through it . I am telling my story so you can understand where I have come from, what I have been through and why helping others on their journey is so important to me and more importantly how I can help you.

My story starts a long time ago, a very long time ago now, when two teenagers met by chance and unknown to them what lay ahead was a times a happy journey, a frustrating journey and a sad and difficult journey but ultimately a successful journey through life as a couple and eventually as a family.

1. Beginnings

Having met by chance as teenagers at a sporting event we soon both realised we had each found our "person". In no rush to grow up and be real adults our plan was to establish our careers, have a home of our own and have fun before thinking about having a family.

We lived life to the full, short breaks in the UK and Europe, nights out in London, travelling the world, I worked in travel and we took every opportunity we could, we fell in love with North America, with Disney, with skiing and with cruising.

2.Starting

We started trying for a baby at 30. We had our home, we were in a good point in our careers, had been lucky enough to have cruised in many parts of the world and were pretty good skiers, so it felt the time was right. Like most we started out full of quiet confidence that it would just happen. We quite expected to be announcing our happy news in the next month. The roller coaster started slowly but we were now on it, every month the rise of hope and expectation followed by the huge downward fall of each months failure.

I tried alterative medicine, such as acupuncture, the Alexander technique, reiki, anything that I thought would help. I tried anything an everything even driving 600 miles on a round trip to touch a fertility statue that supposedly had magical powers! Nothing made any difference sadly.

And by now the questions had started, I began to dread family occasions, the questions from well meaning relatives, when we would be adding to our family, when we would stop enjoying ourselves and settle down, when would there be "happy news", did we even want to have children? I would smile and laugh it off but inside I was dying a little with every question and by now all around us friends and family members were adding to their family with ease.

Months passed. Then years. It was time to find out why.

3. Investigations

Test after test showed nothing wrong. That phrase — “unexplained infertility” — became one of the most painful parts of the journey. No answers. No reasons. Just waiting, hoping, and putting life on hold.

To be honest I should not have been surprised that there was an issue, my own parents had had a difficult fertility journey of their own, years of trying to get pregnant when there was no medical support. Having multiple miscarriages and losses before they finally had first my sister and then myself with the benefit of a new wonder drug that was just being introduced. We grew up knowing about the journey they had been on to have us and reason why they were so much older than our friend's parents and how we were lucky to be here at all as without the drug we wouldn't have happened. A real benefit of this was that I had parents that understood our journey and my mum in particularly became my rock and I was so lucky to have someone who truly understood by my side cheering me on and lifting me back up.

So after a wait to be referred to a specialist clinic the first step was to try Clomid, so we were to be taking positive action and thought this would be the answer we were hoping for, but again month after month the roller coaster continued, the high hopes followed by the big fall. When that didn’t work, we moved on to IUI, fresh hope that soon disappeared and when that failed too, it was on to IVF.

4. Treatment

Fertility treatment had already begun to shape our life, the multiple appointments, the medications, the examinations, the injections, the timings, the internal clock that never stopped ticking.

One of my key memories from the outset of IVF was being told that virtual everybody failed the first cycle as success rates were so low, so we were to expect failure. The other statistic we were given was only 25% of those who have multiple failures would ever hold their own baby, sadly we were set up to fail from the beginning

Our first IVF cycle failed because the shells of my eggs were too tough. We were advised to try ICSI next to ensure that the shells of my eggs could be bypassed to give us the best opportunity. That cycle gave us two embryos, and just before Christmas, for the very first time we had a positive pregnancy test - we were pregnant!

That was an exciting time, the few family members that knew were so happy for us, we were full of hope for the future and couldn't help looking ahead to the next Christmas when we would be a family.

5. Heartbreak

At nine weeks, during our second routine examination, that hope was taken away. The pregnancy had failed. The screen showed an empty sac - it had gone.

It was all a blur, the radiographer was so kind and caring, we spoke to the consultant who was very sympathetic and then sent for a D&C, and that was where the care stopped. I was in the maternity waiting room surrounded by women at various stages of pregnancy on their happy journey to pregnancy whilst I was lost in a valley of despair. I was moved to a maternity ward to get ready for the procedure and the nurse allocated to me to prepare me for the operation was six months pregnant, clearly no thought or consideration had been given to make this difficult and heart breaking situation any easier.

This was a difficult situation but this wasn't the lowest point, that was hearing my husband call his parents to tell them what had happened. He was crying so hard he couldn’t speak. I felt so responsible for the failure and the fact that my body hadn't been able to keep our baby. Even now, more than 20 years later, IK can still hear that call now. .

We tried again. Another ICSI cycle — but this time the consultant mistimed the egg extraction. Although there were many eggs, they were taken too late. They looked fine, but they were empty shells. I felt devastated and angry. Another failure.

The fourth attempt was physically brutal. I had a really bad reaction to the injections; my legs swelled, there were bright red rashes where the injections were going in, I felt really unwell . We had just one embryo. It didn’t implant. By then, my husband couldn’t bear to see me suffer anymore. He had hated all the injections and what I had to put myself through We made the heart breaking decision to stop treatment.

Feeling we had reached the end of the road we looked into adoption, we went to an local open day to find out more and were told bluntly we were too old. Our hope of a family was over.

For seven years, we lived with that decision.

6. Hope

Then one day, we read an article about older women travelling overseas and successfully conceiving using donor eggs. Something triggered in us, was this a possibility for us? We decided to explore it further and see how it would work, booking an appointment in Spain. From the moment we arrived, we were met with kindness, compassion, and a sense of care and support we hadn’t felt before. For the first time in years, we allowed ourselves to believe again.

Our first round resulted in four healthy embryos. Two were implanted, two frozen. None worked. We tried again with the frozen embryos. Still nothing.

A year later, we tried once more. Again, four healthy grade A embryos. Some implanted, some frozen. Over time, what I didn’t realise , the years of stress had taken their toll. I had developed both PCOS and endometriosis — conditions I now understand are deeply linked to chronic stress and nervous system overload. My body simply could not accept the embryos, no matter how perfect they were.

At the final treatment, using the very last of the frozen embryos, the Spanish consultant — a woman who had been so gentle and hopeful throughout took me in her arms and hugged me. She told me, with great kindness, that it was time to stop. I had been given multiple A-grade embryos. If my body couldn’t accept them, nothing else would work.

That was the end of the journey for having a baby of our own.

6. End ( and Beginnings)

So that was it - or so we thought!

A chance overhead conversation of a work colleague changed everything. By asking about her adoption journey I discovered that the rules and requirements for adoption had totally changed since that difficult conversation when we were told we were too old.

There was an open weekend for adopting coming up and went along to find out more. we were welcomed with open arms and a new journey started!

After a house move and lots of paperwork and interviews, courses on how to be parents, an interview process that was the most emotional I had ever been through we were told we were able to be parents and a few short weeks later we were the very nervous and very proud parents of 5 year old and 3 year old brothers - and our life has never been the same since!

Our journey was long and difficult but had a very happy outcome - even though it was not the one we had anticipated. So many go through the same journey, often alone and unsupported as despite the openness of social media and the sharing with strangers physically many go through this on their own as a couple, and it can make or break a relationship.

Not long after completing the adoption I fulfilled a long ambition to train in person with the world leading hypnotherapist Marisa Peer and qualified as a hypnotherapist myself. It was on the training however, whilst learning about the rules of the mind, that I discovered the more likely reason for my "unexplained" fertility. I discovered that the knowledge I had had from a young age of my parent's difficult journey had almost certainly influenced my sub conscious and embedded strong beliefs that getting pregnant and having a baby was difficult and that it was this that was blocking my ability to conceive, by the time I learnt all the science and methodology behind this it was too late for me but now it is my passion to help and support those on an fertility journey to identify their blocks and issues and help them over come them to boost their fertility and their chances of having a baby.

If this is your journey I can help you, contact me to find out how we can work together and move you further towards having a family of your own

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